Thursday, July 28, 2016

Crying in Old Navy

There we were, at Old Navy, shopping for school clothes, picking out another shark shirt and I let it slip. School starts in about 3 weeks and there it was....the look of terror, the eyes welled up and it was proclaimed "I don't want to start school!" 

I have been very careful to not bring it up. I know Jman and how change is hard on him. He will worry and worry. I try not to talk about it because I don't want him heart broken, sad and full of anxiety until school starts. I hate all the pressure people put on these babies as they ask the very weighted question "are you ready for school?"  Honestly they have no idea what is about to fully happen. And that question brings more questions and anxiety than "oh yeah I'm ready!" 

So here we are and I let the time slip and his face dropped when he said "that's really close". And he started crying and saying he didn't want to go and how he wanted to go to the green house, he's changed his mind and my heart aches and all I could do was wrap him up and cry too. Because I don't want him to go either. Not because I'm not ready for him to go to kinder, he's ready for that, he will do well. I cry because I want the school system to be fixed in the next three weeks. I want them to remember they are teaching children and their goal should be to instill a love of learning. I want them to learn in age appropriate ways. I don't want them to squash my baby. So we cried. How I want to send him to the green house. How I want there to be a green house school all the way through these precious years. I try so hard to hide my own issues so he doesn't really know I want August 22 to never come. I try to say it will be fun and his teacher will be great and love him so much. Because that is my only hope that he has a wonderful teacher who hasn't been jaded or caught up in the demands of the school, that she might have forgotten why she started. I pray for that teacher. I can only pray that I fully put my trust in God because I know he goes with him wherever he goes. 

So I wrapped him up in the middle of Old Navy, both crying reassuring him I will be there to scoop him up when he gets home and be there through all his worries and anxieties. Because honestly I'm going to need that too from him. 

Disclaimer: I'm just sharing my heart here and my aches.  I'm not looking for advice on school or looking to hear how wonderful it will be. I've been there. I know what I really want. I know it's not what most want out of school. It's my own convictions and I know that. 

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