Wednesday, August 10, 2016

It's the end of an era....


The past week or so the boys really have been asking to stay home. So this week we are and today Jman said "I just want to play, let's not go anywhere!" 

This momma gladly said ok. 12. There are only 12 precious days left. Then it all changes. Jman starts full time school. And I am so sad! Seriously like crying every night, as I put him to bed, as I watch him sleep. Not crying because of the public school system, which I should, but seriously crying because it's ending. A precious, special time in his life and mine is ending. Ugh, here come the tears again. In the words of Rachel "It's the end of an era!!" People ask how I'm doing and I'm like I don't know. Some scoff at me that I say I don't want him to start school. This transition is hard. But you know what I don't care anymore. This is truly the end of a certain part of life. Sure school starts, you still have fun and play and they learn and they grow and you're so proud and I hear blah blah blah. Because these special preschool years are over. The days of staying home all day and do whatever we want are over. The pajama days and messy mud days are over. The science experiments and cooking breakfast together are over. The let's make cookies today are over. The endless laughter and sometimes fighting days are over. The let's get up and go exploring days are over. The let's build giant towers and use every block days are over.  The preschool days are over and I am in mourning. Serious mourning. This has been the best. There's not a day (even the really hard ones) that I wished I was somewhere else. That I wished for my old job back. Not one single one. This is what I'm good at. Being mommy. This is who God wanted me to be. And I am seriously sad at the change that is happening. I read a blog yesterday about change and how you should reflect on what you are losing and remember it. Prepare for the change together. So I'm blogging. I'm filling my heart with all the goodness and embracing the ache. Because it is OK to be sad about this. It is OK to not want it to happen. It would help if I was excited about the change and trusted it, but I don't. So these 12 precious days are ours. We are not sharing them. I am not letting anyone take them from me. We will make those memories that he will hold in his heart when days are hard. RC and I will fill up our hearts with Jmans laughter so on those lonely days we can look back. I will take a million pictures and videos so I can watch them while he is gone. And we are going to laugh and cry all the way up to that kindergarten drop off day. And no one will make us feel bad about it or tell me to just brush it off. Because it is the end of something and that deserves time to mourn over. 

Today I watched and listened to my boys laugh uncontrollably together. Most of it I just observed. Because these two brothers are going to miss each other. RC looks to Jman for every movement and he's going to be a little lost without him. They needed today to just fill their little souls up with joy. 

Our day consisted of giant train tracks, rescue bots, huge messy paint mess, water hose and mud making fun and lots of trampoline water tricks. This was just before 11. So here are some pictures. If you don't like mess, these will give you anxiety. Just a warning. I'm hoping when Jman is at school and hopefully missing us and being forced to sit way too long, he will remember how it felt to smear paint all over his body and mommy let me and how we made mud puddles and mommy let me. 

  Hope he remembers those moments and misses us because we sure will be missing him. And I will be looking for the best Jman hugs ever when he comes running out of school. 





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