Expectations

It's been five wonderful weeks with my superhero. We have been busy and about to get very busy starting Monday. Many have asked well how is it staying home? So granted I am on my summer break in my mind, but this is my first summer with Jman. Last summer did not count it was "extended" maternity leave. Jman and I are being adventurous as can be. Everyday he gets smarter. And it blows my mind that he is my child and I am his mom. What a great gift and responsibility. "With great power comes great responsibility". Thats right I quoted Spiderman. :)

With any life changing event there are good things and bad. I knew that. I knew there would be some down side to staying home but some I really was blindsided by. So first off let me say, mothers are mothers. You do what Is best for your family. No one should judge another because you don't know what their situation is. You have to trust all love their families and do what's right for them. ( granted I am not applying this to the many many many stupid mothers I have encountered and should not have kids) I am generalizing that moms that care are doing what's best.

So my reflection for 5 weeks.

I expected happiness! I have not had one bad day in 5 weeks, before I can honestly say I had not had a really good day in several weeks. It's been great not having to wake my child up at 6 drag him out the door. I get to make him breakfast and not pack it up. Everyday I watch him learn something new and amaze me always. Granted I know there will be days when I will be anxiously waiting for Kevin to come home. I know it's not all fun. Don't get me wrong. But I do know on my worst day home, better than my best day at work.

I did not expect to miss my parents so much. It's weird going from seeing them 5 days a week and visiting from 30 min to an hour to not seeing them everyday. I have wonderful parents! I miss them. Although I did manage to see my dad every day last week. ;).

I did expect to miss my alone time. I knew that would be a hard trade off. I have zero alone time. But I can work with that.

I did not expect to lose friendships. I'm not going into details. But I've already been hurt big time. And really was blindsided by it. Still not sure where it came from. To be honest how I choose to work should not change my friendships. I have not changed. Just how I spend my days. So I'm still processing that one. But I've decided to change how I react to people and really just live happier. Bitterness, anger and resentment take too much energy. Life is a gift and we should treat it so. So if you want to be that way I don't need it. I choose to surround myself with those that care about me. This year had enough hurt and I choose to let it go.

I did expect to be judged. I'm not sure when our mindset changed as a culture and we look down on those that do what used to be the norm. So to those I also choose to let go and ignore. As I said we do whats best for our families.

I did expect my dog to drive me crazy. He has an invisible leash stuck to me and is literally under my feet all day long. Love the puppy to death but he drives me nuts. I did not expect J to love him so much. Just wish Indy loved him back. Lol. Maybe someday.

I have enjoyed getting to spend time with my friends and watching J interact with other kids. I am glad to get to reconnect with friends that this year I did not spend much with. I am excited and scared at the fact of moving. I really am just scared of the process. Ready for it to be over. Ready for the changes a move will bring but sad at the distance it will put between my parents. But it will be ok and God has a plan that I never expected this year, and I fully trust the plan he has set before us now.