Endings

This time next week, I will hang up my teacher hat. Scary, nervous, excited, thrilled, overwhlemed, exhausted, worried. All things that cross my mind.

So this coming week is packed with to do lists and activities, and then to deal with the outrageous behaviors, its all a bit overwhelming. So day by day it is, but I want to make those days count. We actually had a behavior training yesterday and I was like ugh really, seriously?! But it actually made me think about things. He mentioned trying to not ruin relationships. Its the end of the year, we are all tired of each other, so be careful how you act. You don't want to ruin a year long relationship because of the stress and busyness Then he said something that broke my heart. 'That most of these kids are acting out because they are scared of summer. You are the only routine and safe place these kids know.' Oh my goodness, how true is that. My kids come to school knowing they will get 2 meals a day, no promises of that at home. They come in knowing I will be there with a hug and smile, no promises of that at home. They know I will listen to them, no promises of that at home. They know that I will forget what they did the day before and give them a new start, actually 10 minutes later they get that, no promises of that at home. They know I will give them rules and structure because I love them and I want them safe, no promises of that at home. Some of these kids who give me the headache at the end of the day, everyday, are scared of what the next 3 months bring. This breaks my heart. These are the kids that I got into teaching for. The ones I wanted to help and know that I was part of their life for a short time, but I gave them love everyday. So I actually got sad that I'm not going to make that difference anymore. It make me ache for these kids, and realize we only have 4 days left. Its really no difference than any other year, these kids will go on to the next grade and continue on through life. But I will continue to pray that they are safe and will be loved unconditionally by someone. Someone will tell them they are loved and they are special, they can be anything they want in life.

I read this recently and it really hit home. 7 years ago I was depressed because I couldn't find a job. I worked so hard for something and for awhile God had me wait. Then I was blessed with this amazing job and calling. I had a hard year, but was doing what I loved. 7 years later I find myself depressed because I am in this job that God blessed me with and can't wait to stay home. I truly believe that God is calling me in a new direction, but it made me realize how we always seem to be wanting something new or things need to change. But we often forget to thank God for the blessings we are currently in, that we actually prayed for those at one time. I realized I prayed so hard 7 years ago for the place I am in now. So I am thankful that I am blessed with the opportunity to stay home and raise my son. I am thankful that we are able to do this, it is a huge blessing!!. But Lord I am thankful for the past 7 years! They are an answered prayer as well. I taught 150+ kids. My first I learned that I am never alone, even though no one helped me that year, God did and walked with me every step of the way. The next year I learned that it does get easier, and met one of my amazing friends, who has gone to a new school, but we continue to be friends through church and our kids will grow up together. My third year was a complete answer to prayer and I was moved to kinder, my life long dream!! I met the most amazing team this year, and proud to call all of them my friends today. (Love my 'mean' girls!!) My fourth year brought more challenges, and had to deal with moving back to first,where I did not want to be, and when I thought I couldn't make it, God brought me through another big storm. I also got married this year, and realized just how wonderfully blessed I was with an amazing husband. Thank you Kevin.  This one somehow one of the best years and hardest years of my life. My fifth year, I was moved back to kinder and was back with the dream team! My sixth year I was expecting Jack and somehow managed to not be stressed. And then there's this year, and it was a roller coaster of emotions. This has been one of the best years and hardest years of my life. And as God always proves he is there, he will bring you through the storm and hold you while the boat rocks. And boy did this boat rock this year. So each year I am thankful for, they each taught me something, brought unforgettable kids, tears of hurt and tears of joy.  Every challenge and trial helps you become a better person in one way or another. And as they have always been, my parents were there for every high and low. They continue to be there as they are willing to help me move one last time!  I am thankful for the good and the bad, the trials and the blessings.

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